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6. You Know You're Canadian When...

  1. You know all the words to "If I had a million dollars" by The Barenaked Ladies, including the inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed.

  2. You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly."

  3. You hum David Foster's '88 Calgary Olympics theme in the shower.

  4. You make up patriotic lyrics to go along with David Foster's '88 Calgary Olympics theme.

  5. You remember when Alanis Morrissette was "Too Hot To Hold".

    You can't do that on television...)

  6. You think there isn't enough of Peter Gzowski to go around.

  7. You think Ed the Sock is funny.

  8. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin, as you can only use more change.

  9. You spend hours in the dark making scale models of the Avro Arrow and cursing the Diefenbaker government.

    (My brother Brad... )

  10. You cried when Gus "drowned" on Road To Avonlea.

  11. You watch MuchMusic constantly, in the hopes of occasional fleeting glimpses of The Tragically Hip.

  12. You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "what's good enough protection for the Prime Minister, is good enough for me!"

  13. You have memorized the Heritage Foundation's Heritage Moments, including your favourites, "Burnt Toast!", "You know I canna read a word...", and "Kanata".

  14. You can sing "O' Canada" in French and actually know what the words mean!

    (As mentioned elsewhere, I prefer the words to the French version...)

  15. You advocate the abolition of responsible government, in favour of monarchist rule.

  16. You think there isn't enough Queen on our currency.

  17. You send angry letters to the CBC demanding the return of the Hinterland Who's Who spots so you can finally find out what happens to the arctic ptarmigan in winter.

  18. You participate in Participaction!

  19. You think Peter Mansbridge is sexy.

  20. You think Lloyd Robertson is sexy.

  21. You think Peter Kent is sexy.

  22. You think Brad Pitt is so-so.

  23. You stood in line for hours for Another Roadside Attraction tickets.

  24. You killed your best friend for Another Roadside Attraction tickets.

  25. You think Great Big Sea isn't Maritime-centric enough.

  26. Your graduation formal dress was made of flannel.

  27. Your backpack has more than one Canadian flag iron-on.

  28. You know the names of all the guys in Sloan.

  29. You have been on Speaker's Corner. Bonus points if The Devil's Advocates made fun of you.

  30. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.

  31. You know the French equivalents of "free," "prize" and "no sugar added," thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.

  32. You still haven't taken down your "NON" posters from the 95 Referendum.

  33. You know more than 3 guys named Gordon.

  34. You think Ashley MacIssac isn't Celtic enough.

  35. You remember "Jodie" from Today's Special and wonder why you keep seeing her reading news on the CBC.

  36. You can do the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-marinki-dinki-do."

  37. You know why "killerwhaletank" is funny.

  38. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.

  39. You had a crush on Joey Jeremiah from Degrassi Junior High.

  40. You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few months early.

  41. You actually watch The Gemini Awards, The Genie Awards, and The Juno Awards. You wonder why Stompin' Tom doesn't get his own category in all three. You scream passionately at the television when your favourite Canadian performers are overlooked by their respective academies.

  42. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.

  43. You think -10 C (14F) is mild weather.

  44. You have twins named Donovan and Bailey.

  45. You have twins named Wayne and Gretzky (alternatively Gordie and Howe).

  46. Thinking of Johnny Wayne causes gales of laughter.

  47. You burst out laughing when someone says, "Hi! I'm Ed Broadbent!"

  48. Elvis lives!

  49. You're proud that Captain Kirk came from Montreal.

    (Evidently, I'm not all that Canadian. I'm not terribly proud of his acting abilities...)

  50. You wished that Relic's boat would get crushed to bits by one of those logs.

  51. You read rather than scanned this list.

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Contact me at cbbrowne@acm.org